unreligious

1. 2. 3 cigarettes left in the pack. the only difference between then and now is that this is no longer my room. the air outside has cooled significantly and i am really wishing for my fingerless gloves. i have no idea where they got to. smoking out of the bedroom window requires so much effort. cannot sleep right now. i am not even tired. i would call eddie back but i know he needs his rest. i really like how unreligiously i update this. i am at home right now in fort worth and apparently my dad and i are driving to houston tomorrow for yet another thanksgiving. not particularly looking forward to it. it will be nice to be with the family though. messaged back and forth with carlos a bit ago. kind of hinted at the issues i have been experiencing but it does not matter. he has always been so wrapped up in himself. even more so than i am. he is one of the few people i have cried to and i was hoping he might offer a bit of solace. i guessed wrong. i am hoping to begin revamping my wardrobe. needing to get a job before doing so though. nothing i want is all too expensive. it just all adds up. it's hard being without eddie when we've been together so much of late. he's all that i have at this juncture in my life. and really, all that i need. i didn't apply for housing next semester. i am wanting to move back in. wanting to help my dad out with the family. i know it is not my place anymore but i really feel as though i might be able to help at least a little bit. i wouldn't mind sharing a room with alise. i wouldn't even mind sleeping on a cot in the study. or on the couch. i just feel like i need to be here. both for myself and for the well being of the triplets and my dad. i never thought i would be the one offering stability, but i guess that i always did.

i am sorry that i never have anything of particular interest to write about.
so is the life of blace gunter.

yellow leaves

so apparently i'm dying. eddie has been doing his very best to take care of me but tomorrow, i've got a date with the doctor. i don't know what is up. really haven't been able to eat very well. my stomach tenses up at the very though of food. combine that with menstruation and overall exhaustion and you get where i'm at right now.

but anyways. visited the botanical and water gardens in fort worth with eddie monday afternoon after my english class. twas nice. and free. which made it even more nice. tried to visit the cathedral as well but of course it was locked. i have always been under the impression that catholic churches are pretty much always unlocked. guess i have been misinformed.

i really don't know what to say about school. and i think i will leave it at that. i am supposed to be transfereing to the art institute in dallas next july but who knows. i will say that i haven't been putting forth my best effort in school. or in anything lately. apart from being a good girlfriend and a better family member. but that's not really that hard. i don't know what my issue is. i know what i need to accomplish. i know how to accomplish what i need to do. but somewhere in there i always seem to mess up. that's been my problem for years. i thought i had more or less overcome the issue but apparently it's still there and going as strong as ever.
eddie is in the other room right now writing in his blog that i made for him about a month ago. i'm glad to see that he's finally getting around to using it. we were supposed to be going to play disk golf with his friend kyle this evening, but as i am without my pea coat and on the edge of being terribly ill, i'm thinking it might be better to just simply stay indoors this evening. i feel a little better after eating the tomato bisque soup he made for me a little earlier and after watching an episode of dr. phil about some sad, sad fourteen-year-old prostitute. that show typically makes me feel a little better about my own life. and makes me value my parents just a little bit more.
i need to feel better soon. i'm tired of being tired. i'm weak and feel terribly worn down. and am now feeling a sore throat starting up. just heard the dryer. time to finish the laundry. i love the smell of clean clothes.