so apparently i'm really good at putting off work until the last minute. just wrapped up an all-nighter about an hour ago. but hey, who cares. i got my stuff taken care of. i felt so pumped up there for a while...riding on the crest of the beautiful and powerful wave that was a pot of coffee, creative drive and actual accomplishment.i left the dorm at around six-ish to drive to the Shell down the street. i had to get out. the silence was swallowing me up. i picked up the necessities while there of course. rode down in the elevator with a few girls just beginning their day...and beginning it with a run. forget that. i'll take my fast track to an early death any day.
cancer & caffeine. cancer & caffeine.
live it. be it. say it.
oh yea, don't forget sleep deprivation and very few good meals. that about sums up my health situation right now. supplemented with an occasion vitamin now and again at eddie's command. i don't know what i would do without him. he should really try to worry about me less.live it. be it. say it.
anyways...i have realized that i feel as though i am my true self during these all-night, cutting & pasting fests i like to frequently involve myself with. there is no explaining how at ease i feel with magazine before me, scissors in one hand, glue stick in the other. there is no way i could express the way my mind works on these long, solitary nights. the room totally noiseless apart from my cutting and tearing and the air conditioners unceasing rumble. i was made for these nights. sitting outside with my cancer and my energy drink, my mind racing. totally alone other than the occasionally passing cars and the stark hall sign above my head. if only my "stream of conscience" writing were really, truly that. i can never remember the phrases i form and the verses i construct by the time i get back upstairs and back to my laptop. maybe i'll start carrying pen and paper.
the sunrise is particularly beautiful on the day of your birth. i never noticed that before. also, there's always a full moon on my birthday. and today feels somewhat cooler.
i feel so old and yet so young both at the same time. my life is beginning and ending in the same breath. asked for some cleaning supplies from my mom to mark this joyous occasion. and a few books. we'll see if she pulls through. she should be up here later this afternoon for a visit to the financial aid office and lunch with yours truly. i suggested sushi. i'm not too sure about that now. the caffeine is doing a serious number on my stomach. i wish it were a bit more sunny outside. i'm trying to get my plants some light.